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The news continues to pour in from the short-wave radio.  For the PCVs (Peace Corp Volunteers)here in Atbasar, this machine is our primary source of information.  It owns our attention when we sit in our apartment trying visualize and come to terms with the reality of the events of this week.

Our phone lines are down again so our access to the internet is limited.  There is only enough time to send and receive emails.  So I write this with great care before connecting again.  We have seen footage from America once.  However we hear the voices of fellow Americans who are intimately connected with the situations at hand again and again.  I still get chills.

It hurts to be here right now.  My sitemates and myself feel very disconnected with this event that is shaping America as I write.  The thought of a dozen American flags at every blink of an eye, friends and family all coming together to console each other, and the pure unity that is in the air of my home country makes me proud.  I wish I could be there to witness this.  I am more proud to be an American now than ever in my life.

I feel safe.  There is only concern from my neighbors.  However, the radio speaks of a campaign that will begin soon and stretch on for sometime to come.  The target of these actions may be close to my country of service.  This concerns my sitemates and myself.  I'm not sure what to expect in the next week or so.  We begin to wonder if evacuation will be an option for us.

 We have been told the following from PC office in Almaty:

 1.  Do not leave site
 2.  Do not make public appearances
 3.  Continue to work.
 4.  If anyone begins to ask questions about my home that makes us feel uncomfortable contact PC.

 There are reasons to believe that if war hits the lands of Afghanistan that we will be affected.  Kazakhstan is close to Afghanistan.  Almaty, the largest city in Kaz, is only 250 miles from the closest Afghan boarder.  Almaty holds the PC office and the U.S. embassy, which is on alert.

 As you may know Russia has pledged support for America, as well as Kazakhstan.  Afghanistan and Russia have an unmerciful history.   Ironically we helped support Afghanistan during this conflict in the 80's.  If Russia decides to contribute military support Kazakhstan would be directly in the middle of the conflict.  Furthermore, Kaz holds vital resources needed for a war, oil.  So this countries role in this campaign may be great.

Again, I want to say that I feel safe.  There is no hostility here. This next Saturday, Papa Roma (the Pope) is scheduled to visit Astana, the new capital and a 4 hour train East from my site.  We were planning to attend, however this may not be the wisest action now.  Chances are we will not attend.  I would be surprised if it actually takes place.

In other news I start teaching tomorrow.  I must admit that I am not mentally prepared to begin.  My mind is preoccupied.  I don't know if I should go to the bazaar to buy food for next week or if I should pack a bag that I could grab in a moments notice.

I want to thank everyone again for informing me of our friends and family. It?s better to know than wonder.  I am sorry to hear of those loved ones who have fallen victim of this atrocity.  Our hearts are heavy here in Kaz. There is little email between Kaz volunteers.  What is sent is encouraging.  Mostly, our groups of volunteers feel that this is a reason for us to work harder at what we do.  To show the people of Kazakhstan that peace is also an option and that as Americans we will not stop our way of life.  This is, of course, assuming that we will not evacuated.

Thank you again for all your thoughts.  You all are in our minds and hearts.  Please keep me informed.

 Brian


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              <text>I can remeber it like it was yesterday. i was sitting in my forth period class, and a teacher came in running "It's been hit! It's been hit!" I didnt understand what was going on so i just continued doing what i was doing. Five minutes later my teacher turned on the television and we sat there and watch the live coverage of the events. I notced that all the teachers were shocked and almost crying, but i had no clue what was going on. I didnt understand what they were making a big deal of.  When we got out of 4th persiod i remember my Best friend left sonn after the events becauz her dad was working at teh pentagon while it happened.My other friend also left school. Finally after i saw everybody leaving i noticed what was gonig on and that it was a serious matter. After school i went straight home, and my mom came home soon after. She explained to me what happened and i remeber being scared the rest of the day. Later that night i went to my firneds house and spent the night, beacuse my mom had to go ot work the next day.  THe rest of the night me and my fiend stayed up late listening for any noises that could of been another attack. the next day i still lived the day on in fear but knowing that i had GOD on my side if anything else happend. 
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              <text>   It was my second year as a Long Island high school social studies teacher. I had ironically finished an Enighlenment lesson in which we had analyzed a Voltaire quote which he says something to the effect of: "religion does nothing but make one stupid and evil." It was a risky thing to discuss and I was proud of my students and how they linked that quote to modern issues- ironically including terrorism. That waas between 7:30 and 8:01 am. Then the bell rang and someone informed me that a small plane had just hit the Twin Towers. Honestly, I thought  it wasn't a big deal. I imagined a two- passenger plane possibly making a small dent on those Towers that have stood as long as I could remember. I then  proceeded make my way down the hallway to purchase some tea when a collegue told me to go to the faculty room to see what was happening. I watched the second plane hit and I got scared. My friend put her hand over her mouth and said "my best friend's husband works there." Myself and other collegues were crying. We all had loved ones in the city. We were scared for them and for ourselves. What was going to happen next? We did not know. This was the scareiest day of my life. I will never forget the feeling of the unknown and of helplessness. I couldn't get into contact w/my family in the city. I was a mess. But I was lucky. . . </text>
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              <text>I left home that morning for a court appearance in Chattanooga, Tennessee.  My pager went off before court and when I called my wife Alison told me that an airplane had crashed into one of the twin towers in New York.  Remembering the old photos of the small plane that hit the Empire State Building several decades ago, I remember thinking what an unfortunate "accident".  
When more events unfolded, Alison paged me again.  She was in tears as she witnessed on live television the second airplane hitting the second tower.  We had less than a year earlier returned from around the world with our two children Alina and Mac, who were born in Kazakstan.  Their first entry to their new country was in New York.  It was the place I had courted Alison and the place we had returned each year.  Our hearts were broken.
We went through so many emotions in the following weeks.  Fear and concern for our nation, and for our children, was overwhelming at times.  We felt part of a national emotional depression that was hard to shake.  
We feared for our children, who were born in an Islamic region of the world, and what the reaction would be toward all persons who were Muslim, including people we remembered in Kazakstan. Our friends who operate a restaurant nearby, who are Palistinian Christians, got death threats.
Suddenly, it seemed every car in Georgia and Tennessee was adorned with some form of an American flag.  It was a good feeling at first, but later, paired with newly minted bumper stickers spouting hatred it started to seem a bit disturbing.  In the Great American Tradition, there were plenty ready and willing to make a profit on the sudden surge in patriotism, which was also troubling.  It caused us to do a lot of thinking and created a lot of discussion in our household.
Overall, I hope that the events surrounding September 11, 2001 will ultimately prove good for our nation.  It brought us together yet forced us as a nation to think of the world outside our borders.  God Bless those who lost their lives in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania.  At the same time, God save us as a nation from our own national reactions.
McCracken Poston, Ringgold, Georgia</text>
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              <text>I had gone to Nigeria for the burial of my grand Dad.I left on the 28th of August 2002.That night,it was night about 8.45pm in Nigeria, I just finished dinner and was walking from the dinning area towards the living room and on the large screen tv I saw a jetliner crashing into a building.

I only casually asked my in-laws who were already in the living room, "what is the title of this movie?"
One just shouted back oh my God that's New York, the World Trade Center. Then I sat down believing that they had used the image of the towers for the movie. But then I realised it was CNN we were watching and they don't show movies.

It became a personal loss for me, New York is my city and I love New York though I was not born a New Yorker, like majority of immigrants in America,she became my home away from home. I quickly stared to find a way to get back to America. I will never forget, I am angry and I will be for a long time, the attack is like a stab in the heart of liberty and freedom, the heart may bleed but the soul is intact and we shall overcome.God bless all freedom loving peoples of the world, and God Bless America the shelter of freedom.</text>
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              <text>I woke up early that day because I couldn't sleep anymore and didn't have to work until 11:00 a.m.  I was enjoying my usual cup of coffee and watching the early morning news.  It seemed like another normal day until the late breaking news came on the t.v. announcing that a plane had flown into the one tower.  I can remember receiving the first piece of news and setting down my coffee.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing, nontheless what I was seeing.  Then as I kept watching, the second plane was on it's way and there I was watching all of it LIVE television.  Once again, my eyes could not believe what they were seeing.  For a moment I thought everyone, except for the areas where the planes actually flew into, was going to make it out of both towers.  Then when they both crumbled to the ground in seconds I was absolutely horrified.  It was alot to take in.  I think I was in shock after seeing that because I didn't know wether to go to work or not and became hysterical.  Well I went to work and listened to it all over the radio.  Then I found out about the other planes that had crashed.  I was really shooken up.  It almost seemed to real to be happening, like it was a movie, but it was really happening.  All of the employees at work were also reacting the way I was.  No one could believe it.  I can remember telling my co-workers how I saw the towers go down on t.v.  Even though I had no family members that lost their lives, I felt sick to my stomach and began to cry for all of those poor innocent people who died the way they did on that day.  I just kept thinking to myself: "what a horrible way to die".  Those poor people didn't have a chance and they had no way to know that it was going to happen like that.  I don't think anyone thought that they would collapse.  I feel the same way today as I did that day.  It still makes me sick to my stomach and to know that there are people in the world who do such things.  My heart goes out to all of the families who's sons, daughters, husbands, wives and children lost their lives on this tragic day.  May God bless you in many ways to come and bring you peace of mind.     </text>
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              <text>That morning , moments after the first plane hit, my manager paged me from her office in Atlanta 
(she knew I may have been there) with the words "WTC are you ok".

Was leaving my house anyway , decided to call her from the car and learned a plane hit the WTC 
on the radio, tried calling,  my cell was not working.

A small plane crashed 500 feet from my house on its way to Teterboro 2 years before, expected the 
incident at the WTC was a light aircraft, an accident. 

Minutes later the radio station reported another plane hit the WTC, they said they didn't want to 
cause any confusion so they couldn't give any further details until they had information that was 
confirmed but they think it might be a terrorist act. 

Could see the smoke from the towers, on my way to work, it was far worse than any fire I had ever 
seen, traffic was delayed as usual in the morning but people were
quiet, no horns or angry drivers, everyone was intent to hear their radio.

When I arrived at my building many people were crying and frightened in the hall and on the elevator, 
some faces were red with sadness, others pale, in shock, all were affected their were police stationed 
on the elevators.

Inside our office everyone was gathered around the TV watching CNN and looking out the window as 
the towers burned, trying to figure out what happened and what will happen next.

Our telephone line weren't working for most calls, with no way to make calls all we could do was 
send email, shuffle our papers and wait.  Was able to call our site on Hudson St. they were ok, 
agreed with the manager to get the guys out of Church St and advised I would also take responsibility 
for abandoning the site, was my role to interface with management and customers in person anyway.

Later we watched from our windows in horror and disbelief as the towers collapsed,  during the 
first collapse, we could see was white smoke blanketing lower Manhatten, we saw the second tower 
begin collapse and said OMG they're both gone.. an emptiness swept through everyone  (it was such 
a priveledge to see the towers in the New York skyline from my desk every day, sometimes I looked
 at them before leaving for the PATH train into the WTC sometimes I'd use them as a guide while 
walking around Manhatten).

It was almost lunchtime and I was at my desk, Angelo ran through our area waving his hands telling 
everyone to "evacuate theres been a threat to our building", my co-worker confirmed there was a threat, 
building management was only "advising" people they should leave the building for safety, 20 minutes 
later another threat was made and buidling management said 
everyone must evacuate.

We were all in front of the building, the streets were totally jammed, dozens of buses were arriving 
from the city because trains were shut down, we knew there was no place to go for a while so many 
of us had lunch across the street, later we went to the Hilton and stayed with some of our co-workers 
who had no way to get home until they were able to make arrangements. 

We were told to go into the city on 9/12 so we could begin the process of restoring service.

The PATH line from Newark to 33rd St. was running, we took it to Christopher st and walked 
the mile to the Hudson St. site about 6 blocks from WTC.

Later, we were told to go to the other site at 100 Church st - 1 block from the north tower 
and adjacent to WTC 7.

We went to the other site, the streets were full of mud, ash, streams of water, hoses and 
papers everywhere, parked cars and truck were burned into twisted heaps.

The site it was full of dust, a few broken windows and no power - it was a switching center 
that processed about 500,000 calls/day, totally out of service, commercial power and battery 
systems were shut down by the fire department the night before for safety and the FBI closed 
it as a crime scene, pieces of the planes landed on it. 


It was shocking, sad, unbelievable and frightening to see what had happened in a place we were 
so familiar with, so busy and full of life.. its an outrage to know it was a terrorist act, not 
only on U.S. soil but right here in front of our own eyes, where so many Americans lived and worked.

By Saturday we were given a mandate to work "7 days a week until futher notice due to the attacks" 
it wasn't necessary for us, we always stay until things are running again.

We worked 24,36 and 48 hour shifts, sleeping in the early morning hours in chairs for a couple hours, 
no hot meals, no clean clothes, no fresh air.

The smoke was very thick at times, when I got home and showered the acrid smell was still there.

On 9/21/01 - 2 of my co-workers and myself took a walk through ground zero

It was dark and early in the morning, the streets were full of mud, firemen everywhere, trucks, 
cranes working to remove the debris, when we walked by the WTC sites it was heartbreaking, so 
much innocent life lost, destruction everywhere in places I visited for business before the attack.

Looked at the mud in the street.. six inches deep, this is New York there is no mud it was ash.

As we got closer, the WTC site could be seen, it was enourmous, very hard to believe it could be 
transformed into a mass of twisted steel and rubble.

We walked down a side street to make our way to the south side, it was then very much like being 
in a war zone, blackened burned out buildings, abaondoned streets, military vehicles on every corner, 
as we got closer warnings of possible collapse was painted on some buildings in red.

We walked up what was Liberty St., storefronts were blown out and being used as temporary camps 
for the rescue and fire teams, exhausted firemen were everywhere but there was nothing but silence, 
you could see a lone worker high atop the rubble with an acetylene torch cutting pieces of steel loose. 
He was up so high it looked like he was on top of a small mountain.

As we walked north on Church St, the remaining buildings stood silent, windows broken as high as you 
could see, the smaller WTC buildings sat with no walls, debris hanging everywhere, you could see most 
of the site from there, it didn't resemble a place were people had ever been or could have survived.

As we left a heavy rain began, nature was cleaning up.. trying to wash away time. 

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              <text>On the morning of September 11th I had a terrible feeling 
in my heart and for a couple of days before that I kept 
thinking that my boyfriend was keeping something from me. 
Being a woman, it's the first thing that comes to mind when
you get that weird feeling in your heart. I had just gotten
off the phone with him when I hear my co-workers screaming.
When I walked to the back of our office I could see that
the first tower was in flames. (I work 3 blocks from the
Trade Center). My first reaction was to call my friend Sean
who worked on the 102nd floor of the first tower. A lady
picked up the phone and after asking if Sean was there she
said that he was, but they weren't picking up phones
anymore because a plane just hit their building. I told 
her that I could see it from my window and I told her to be
safe. She said we'll try. Then she said she had to get off
the phone in order to evacuate. I never asked her what her
name was but I could never forget the sound of her voice.
My best friend called me and while I was on the phone with
her, the second plane hit. At that point I made the decision
to leave my building. I met up with some people from my department
downstairs and we just waited and watched. Then it happened.
Tower 2 collapsed. We heard another explosion and when I 
looked up I saw just the top of the Tower coming down.
I remember trying to run and stopping to cry. Then a co-worker tripped
and fell and another lady trip and fell over her. So I went
back to get her off the floor and we just ran. I work across
the street from the Stock Exchange and as we ran down 
Exchange Place and towards Broad Street a huge cloud of
smoke came towards us and a woman yelled "Oh my God, they 
bombed the Stock Exchange!" We ran back in the direction that
we were coming from and the same cloud was coming towards us
from that direction. We were trapped. The cloud caught us from
all directions. I remember the feeling was like millions of
little needles pricking my skin. You couldn't even see your
own hand in front of you. Luckily we were holding hands so 
the person in the front of the "line" lead us into a clothing
store on the corner of that street. We went in and I cried.
I cried like I've never cried before. I was so scared. I 
thought I was going to die that day. I thought I would never
see my family or my friends or the love of my life again.
The people in the store were so wonderful. They gave us water
napkins to wipe our dusty skin, they let us use their phones
to call our families. They were just wonderful. We waited 
and watched from the television in their basement as Tower 1 
came crumbling down. A couple of my co-workers cried for their 
siblings because they thought they were still in there. I 
kept reassuring them that I had called Sean over an hour 
and a half before and that they were trying to evacuate
so they had nothing to worry about. Five of us walked 2 hours 
and a half back to my house in Brooklyn. We kept watching
on my TV and I had so many phone calls. The phone lines 
weren't working so it was difficult for me to get through to
anyone. But I able to get through eventually. What worried
me the most was that I couldn't get through to my family in
Puerto Rico. My mother and sister and brother all live there
and I couldn't get through to them until about 5pm that day.
At some point my co-workers left to get themselves home. And
there I was. Alone. With no one to talk to. No one to hug.
No one to cry to. (Except over the phone).Then I thought to 
myself, "I need to get in contact with Sean". I never did. 
After watching an interview that the president of Cantor 
Fitzgerald gave on a news program a few days later, I 
realized that Sean never made it out. I called my mother and
cried. I was in a daze for such a long time. I couldn't even
smile. I felt like I lost my mind. Luckily my two co-workers' 
siblings made it out alive. To this day the events of 
September 11th, 2001 still effect me in the worst way. I 
still cry for no reason. I still get depressed.
I still remember Sean. I still have nightmares. The memory 
of the fear is still so strong in my heart. But everyday, I
am grateful. I am grateful that I'm breathing and that I get
to see another birthday. I get to call and see my loved ones.
I feel like I've gotten a second chance. So I started singing
again and performing. I'm following my life long dream. I love with
all of me. I wish with more thought. I don't stress over much.
I feel better about myself as a person. I'm able to give more 
of myself completely. I am thankful for all things small and
large. Today, on the anniversary or these horrible tragedies,
I give thanks to all those who gave their lives for the rest
of us and I also give thanks to those who joined together to
help. Seany, I miss you and I will remember you always.</text>
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              <text>Ich stand unten in der Lobby,als pl?tzlich ein dumpfes Ger?usch zu h?ren war.Die Leute schrien und meinten es w?re ein Erdbeben.Ich ging raus guckte hoch und sah wie eine dicke Staubewolke ?ber dem Gipfel des WTC hang.Als die ersten Journalisten kamen,habe ich gefragt was los sei.
Sie sagten:"A terrorism attack is happened.America is down"
Ich war geschockt.Amerika,die Weltmacht,so leicht verwundbar?Und wie kommen die Leute da wieder heil raus?Wer war das?Ein paar Minuten sp?ter knallte ein weiteres Flugzeug in den zweiten Tower.Jetzt war die Aussage der journalisten best?tigt.Es war ein Anschlag!
Heute ?ber ein Jahr danach kann ich immer noch sehr sclecht schlafen und habe Alptr?ume von den Bilder des Tages.
Tote,Feuer,leichens?cke,......,.... .


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              <text>ever since that tragic day, i have been at the point i can not watch anything that has to do with that incident. it is just too painful. i have sent a message to someones child who lost a family member. i put my flag a half staff yesterday to honor all those who were lost. i put a message for the quilt and had a candle over the web. it will take a while to get over this. thank GOD for all those who gave their all to the rescue/clean-up effort. no matter what, those who did this awful thing will have a rude awakening when they face their maker. GOD's punishment will be far greater than anything we could do to them and it will be
for eternity. 
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              <text>        On September 11, 2002 it was like any other day at school. In fourth period I heard some rumors of terrorist attacks. We turned on the news just in time to see the second tower get hit. Then the first tower fell toward teh end of fourth period. We came back from lunch fifth period to see the second tower fall. I was stunned that this happened to us.  When I got home I found out about the Pentagon. Why would they do this to us? What did we do to them? I think they are jelous of our freedom.</text>
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              <text>For three months during the summer and early autumn of 2001, I was conducting fieldwork in Tanzania for my PhD in Anthropology and Archaeology. On 11 September I was enjoying my last day of a four day holiday to Zanzibar, taken with a postgraduate student from NYU who was on my project. We were preparing for a special supper to mark the end of our holiday, which we had taken once our supervisors had left us alone in Africa and we had gotten a handle on our work. I am an American student at University College London in the UK, so I am used to being far from my family when big events occur. What I remember the most when I witnessed what was occuring on CNN International, was the desire to be back in the States, despite the horror and fear and potential danger. It made me think back to the Persian Gulf war, when I heard on the news that a number of Americans with an Israeli background were heading back there. I thought that they were crazy to want to return to a land so fraught with danger, but when the US was attacked, I was overcome by the wish to be in the middle of the scene. 

My friend and I had ten minutes to spare before our driver was coming to collect us for dinner. On a whim we decided to turn the TV on. We were on temporary resident visas, so hotels and travel were cheaper for us than non-residents and we had been able to splurge on a very posh hotel with a TV in the room. Having spent quite a while out in the bush, and then in Dar-es-Salaam in a hostel, we hadn't seen much of the rest of the world. TV was novel and almost intriguing. When I first switched it on and saw an image of the WTC damaged and smoking, I switched the channel thinking that I was watching a lame Hollywood action film. The next channel showed the same image. And then the next. And the next. And of course by that point we'd seen all of the channels on the Zanzibari TV at the hotel! I can remember growing cold in the damp heat of the late afternoon and calling my friend's name several times to get her attention. She joined me where I stood in front of the TV and we grabbed each others hands when the replay of the planes crashing into the towers was shown seconds later. The second crash had not occurred that long ago. Our knuckles turned white, but we didn't notice at first. The trembling was much more obvious. I began to whimper "Oh my God" over and over again until my friend told me to stop so we could hear what the news reporter was saying.

My family is from Connecticut and the closest city to us is New York. It has always been the city that I most affiliate with from home. My friend of course, being from NYU, has a community of her own in the city, and my sister, cousin, and numerous friends live there as well. We watched as our home of sorts was terrorized and destroyed. I felt so ill, imagining my sister getting up for class that morning and deciding to stray further afield than normal, maybe to meet a friend for coffee, maybe just to take a walk. She lived below 14th Street, in an NYU residence hall and would not normally have any reason to be in the vicinity of the WTC. But, in times like that, your brain churns through the possibilities and alarms go off with each new variation that is created. I remember in 1998 when there was a terrible train crash in London that made international news I received a number of emails from people I hadn't heard from in six months or more, begging me to respond so they would know I hadn't been on the train. It had made me snicker a bit at the time because there was simply no reason for me to ever be on a commuter train in that part of the city, but that is just what happens when a crisis strikes nearby to a loved one. Rational or not, these things enter your head. 

When we managed to pull ourselves away from the TV and meet our driver, the first of the towers had fallen. We told him what happened. He became very serious and with a grave tone he told us that it sounded terrible and he would pray for our families. He told us to try to enjoy our meal and each others company and to be thankful for it. Rather than head straight to the restaurant, we stopped at an internet cafe. The people there had heard of the news and when we walked in, looking troubled and confused, they immediately sat us down at a computer and said they hoped we would hear our families were safe. Nobody needed to tell them why we were there. I emailed my family, suffering through the incredibly slow computer connections. I already had a number of emails from my flatmate who was watching the news unfold with our new flatmates who had come to London from NYC a week before. Their office at an architecture firm was three blocks away from the WTC. I asked my flatmate to call my family and see if they had heard from my sister. Minutes later I got an email from my father saying that her whereabouts were unknown. At supper my friend and I talked about what we had seen, our voiced raised a little louder than normal, perhaps in the hopes that somebody would hear and ask us to explain. We needed to share it, but were too shy to just cry in public, to scream with the rage and despair that we felt. An older English couple sitting next to us did lean over and ask us what we were talking about. It felt so good to tell them, to confide in these lovely strangers, to release the burden of our knowledge. Our conversation made me feel strangely peaceful, and the day died with a painfully beautiful sunset, soundtracked by the soulful call to prayer that projected over Stone Town, the main town on the island. We witnessed that night begin with our senses raised beyond the norm. We were at a rooftop restaurant, taller than the other buildings in town. The sunset was brighter than I would have normally noticed, the cushions upon which we sat were silkier, more comfortable, than they looked. The drinks were smoother, the food more aromatic. 

Later, when we returned to the hotel, news had spread. When I explained to the receptionist that my family was American and they might try to call me, he nodded his head and promised to pray for me. That night a number of calls from people with North Americn accents were connected to my room. None of those people were my Americans, though! The phone lines to the island are dodgy at the best of times - strangely my parents tried to call me twelve times that night but always reached a private residence in Zaire. It was 16 hours later that I was able to retrieve my email back in Dar-es-Salaam, and learn that my sister and cousin and friends were all safe. My sister had seen the second plane crash from Washington Square Park, and was caught up in the chaos that followed. Because of where she lived she was stuck in the city for a number of days before they reopened the roads, just in time for her to catch the train back to CT to attend the memorial service for a young man from our hometown who was killed that day. We had gone to high school with him and his brother. That is the closest person to me who died. My youngest sister is aquaintances with a girl in the high school whose father was lost. Three others from our town died as well, a very low number considering that so many people from our town commute into NYC and work in the finacial district. People say we were lucky as a town, but there is something almost too optomistic about that, I think.

Back in Dar, people on the streets would stop me and my friend and ask us if we were American. It was obvious that I was mzungu, a white person, a foreigner. Before the 11th we were stopped a lot anyway, but they always asked where we were from. This time the question was more direct. Normally when I travel I hestitate to admit that I am American. I know that our country's policies and economics have brought hardship to many people in other parts of the world and I am ashamed of that. Because so many other regions of the world are drenched in anti-American sentiments (which for some reason many Americans don't know and don't understand), I try to be cautious. I often just say that I am visiting from London, which isn't a lie, but not quite the whole truth. After the 11th I looked everyone in the eye and said "I am American, my family lives near New York". The outpouring of love and support from every Tanzanian I spoke to was overwhelming. It got me through the rest of my stay in Africa. People would lay a hand on your shoulder and say they would pray for you, that they were sorry for what had happened, that they wished we would find it within ourselves to heal. Their openness gave me strength and helped me come to terms with a changed world. I accepted each blessing with gratitude. My parents were very worried about me after the 11th because Dar has a large Muslim population, but I felt safer there than when I returned to London. There was something about the honesty and concern of the people there that made me feel protected. And something my family wasn't thinking of at the time - the inhabitants of Dar had felt the wrath of bin Laden in 1998 when his people bombed the US embassy there. That story is always overshadowed by the bombing in Nairobi, because so many more people died, and Americans were injured. In Dar only twelve people died. All of them were Tanzanian. A memorial to the victims, constucted with salvaged materials from the site, stands in the garden of the National Museums of Tanzania, where I spent my days working with fossils held in the collections there. I was reminded every day that my country now had a certain pain in common with Tanzania.

I spent the rest of my stay in Tanzania addicted to CNN International, despite the footage and the commentary growing stale. Every waking moment I was watching the TV. I was "lucky" enough to have one available, since I had met and moved in with a woman from Kenya who was working in Dar and living in a nice flat connected to my hostel. She had a TV that received two English language channels, so we watched it together, while my fellow postgraduate student often wandered back to her room after an hour, saturated. On the other hand, I couldn't help but stay up until 1, 2, sometimes 3 am to see what new piece of information was being fed to us. 

I flew back to London less than two weeks after the 11th. I'm nervous about flying on the best of days, but this flight was torture. I fought panic attacks for most of the journey, my nervousness not helped by the fact that our plane had been grounded in Nairobi for 16 hours with an engine problem. Back in London I felt like a fish out of water. I was very nervous. Some of my friends had attended a peace meeting before my return. One of the topics of conversation was how to differentiate between anti-Americanism and anti-American policy sentiments. It scared me to think that the world had felt our sorrow, but that many people had lost sight of that sorrow and had given in to a wariness towards our country's next move. The politcal arena infringed on everyone's emotional lives, and I became uncomfortable with many of the president's statements and decisions. If I had had a better solution, I would have offered it to anyone willing to listen, but I eventually grew tired of trying to explain the US's actions or position to my non-American friends. After all, I wasn't making the policy or implementing it, and I hadn't lived in the country long-term since 1995, so I felt a bit out of touch with the American mindset. I begged my friends to leave the topic alone in my presence, as I simply became upset with being forced to defend my country's actions, when I myself struggled to understand them and frequently disagreed with them. In public I began to worry about speaking out loud, lest somebody hear my accent and make a scene. I didn't go to any of the peace rallies or support meetings. All it takes is one nut in the crowd to create a disturbance. I had iamges in my head of one fervent anarchist lunging towards me screamimg "capitalist pig amongst us!". Thankfully, a month later, my paranoia calmed down and although life didn't - and won't - ever go back to normal, I began the slow process of coming to terms with what had happened on 11 September.

Right now I am in Washington DC doing some research at the Smithsonian. One year ago I was sitting in the open air, breathing in the cool Zanzibari night, mentally reliving the worst event that I had seen my country suffer - all from the comfort of a chair in front of a fuzzy TV screen. And a year later, on the one year anniversary, here I am in DC. Isn't this what I wanted? To be here, near my family, with my countrymen and women, to finally partake in the community grieving process that I had missed...? I attended the 8am service of remembrance at the National Cathedral. I was moved by Desmond Tutu's homily, by the sight of businessmen crying and holding hands, by the spiritual presence of the Buddhist monk, the calm air of the other religious leaders. I was annoyed by the six mobile phones that rang, and the people who left the service early to get to something obviously much more important. When it came time to hold hands with the people next to you for one of the prayers, nobody was left next to me. They had gone. I felt as lonely then as I did a year ago in Tanzania, and being "at home" wasn't any better than being away. I suppose I learned that there is no suitable site for grieving, there is no perfect place to mourn. It occurs in your heart and in your head, while you do or don't clasp the hand of the stranger next to you. Grief doesn't wait for the right moment or the perfect circumstances to unfold. But I think that it must be easier with a hand to hold anyway - such is human nature or, at least, this human's nature. As an archaeoligst I am always considering the past and documenting the past of others. Having been able here to document my own, to re-create a small moment of the history of my experience in this world, has been perhaps one of the best things in my own grieving process. Thank you.

This is what one of the readings from yesterday's service said: "Do not take lightly small good deeds, believing they can hardly help: For drops of water one by one in time can fill a giant pot". I hope that we, as Americans, will fill the pot to overflowing over the next few years. And as the Tanzanians said to me last September (and pardon my Swahili spelling), Mungu Akubariki - God bless you.</text>
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              <text>      I can remember sitting in my homeroom class hearing a few people talking about it but no one had heard any kind of confirmation of it yet. A few minutes later the bell rang to go to my first period class. I can remember wondering what all everyone was talking about in my keyboarding class when the announcements came on the intercom. Right after the announcements went off my teacher turned on the TV so we could find out a little more about what happened. I can remember a lot of other students walking to the office crying trying to call home. Everyone is my class mouth dropped. No one could believe what he or she had just heard. We kept the TV on all through first period. I think I started crying around when the towers fell. I can remember asking God how He could do such a thing to all of these innocent people. At lunch I called my dad and asked him how my family was and if he was planning on coming to pick me up. Later on when I got home my family and I just turned on the TV and watched the news from around 4 until 10:30 that night. Normally my family will all sit down and eat dinner together and turn off the TV but that night we left it on and our prayers that night were a little longer and my family got a little closer.</text>
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              <text>I was driving in my car, on my way to work, listening to NPR(NAtional Public Radio) when the programming was interupted by a somewhat confused commentator telling us that he beleived an aircraft had hit the world trade center.  My first instinct was to think it was an airline crash, but within a few minutes, they reported that a second airliner had hit the world trade center.  I knew at that moment..almost instantaneously..that it was terrorists attacking us.  OF course the magnitude of the whole thing had not hit anyone yet..but even just the idea that terrorists had made such a blatant attack really hit hard.

When I arrived at work, all work had basically come to a stop.  We all just kind of sat in stunned silence and listened to the radio.  

At the time this occured, I was having a long distance relatinship with a man who worked in mid town Manhatten.  I began to e-mail him..asking if he was okay.  Within a few minutes, he did e-mail me and let me know that he was safe and sound  He also mentioned that he was , for the most part, locked into Manhatten and even into his building.  IT was a very, very scary time for those in New York.  I had an insider view to this through his e-mails all througout that day.  It really brought home how much technology made it possible for us to be in touch with those that we loved in cared about in New York.

Although September 11th was a stunning, terrible, scary, sad day in our history, the most amazing part about it was how americans came together in a way that we never had in our generation.  It is a shame that it takes tragedy to remind us all of our patriotism, but it was hard to find someone that hadn't become proud to be an american through and through.</text>
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              <text>I was 9 months pregnant and had just dropped my 3 year old off at preschool and heard on the radio that the first plane had hit the WTC.  Of course, I thought it was a terribly tragic but solitary accident.  When I got home my husband called from work to ask if I knew what was going on.  That was when I turned the TV on and saw images of the second plane crashing.  I sat there on the couch not able to comprehend what was happening.  I was relaying everything I saw to my husband and him to his coworkers, I was their link to information.  I remember vividly the sick feeling in my stomach and praying that I wouldn't go into labor.  I didn't want to bring my baby into the world on such a grim day.  Fortunately, little Jacob Christopher waited 6 more days to make an appearance and he is such a blessing.  I think that we all knew of someone who died that day, I was lucky enough to not have any close friends or family perish but I feel for all those who did.  I think about 9-11 everyday, we went to NY for the first time since the attacks over Labor Day Weekend and I can really say that it is a wonderful city and that I love New York.  God Bless NY, DC, PA and the USA.  I will remember always.</text>
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              <text>        Well, I got to ESOL class, and the TV was on.  I thought it was a movie or something.  But I saw my teachers face and, I knew it was for  real.  I hadn't been in the United States for a long time so I didn't know alot about the twin towers or the pentagon.  It was kind of weird wathcing the NEWS and all of those people.  
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     When I got home, there were  at least 17 messages on my answering machine.  All of them from people in Brazil, my friends, family, etc.  They were all telling me to come back to Brazil.  It was a really agitated  day.
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              <text>On the morning of September 11, 2001 I was getting ready for school when my mom called all of us into her room. We, as a family, watched the tradgedy until we had to go to school that morning. The towers hadn't fallen yet. When I got to school that was all teachers and students were talking about. The rest of the day was all a blur. In all of my classes we just watched the news in awe, not really knowing what to think. Could something this tradgic really be happening in the United States of America? It was sort of a rude awakening. We have been so big and powerful for so long, how could this happen? Until this day I still pray for all of the familys who lost their loved ones. I am so thankful that America has great heros, such as the firefighters who are willing to risk their lives in the line of duty to save ours. GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!</text>
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              <text>   I'll never forget what I was doing on September 11th.  It was a Tuesday and the dance team I am a part of had already begun rehearsal for the upcoming pep rally on Friday.  We were learning "Love Shack" because the theme was supposed to be "70's" and I remember our 2nd lieutenant Jenniann was explaining what we were supposed to do.  The music was blaring so loud when we heard our principal, Dr. Veach come over the P.A. system.  We missed the first half of what he said because we didn't turn the music down in time, but our director had heard that there was some sort of tragedy and to please not turn on any t.v.'s or radios.  Everybody thought that one of our classmates had gotten in a car wreck or something. . .we never thought something this huge could ever happen to us, in a "perfect" community like Westlake.  We kept on rehearsing while our director was called to a staff meeting to find out what really was going on.  Finally, at 9:30, we had "Circle", a time for us to reflect on how much we had accomplished in practice and compliment each other on a good rehearsal.  It was then, in this large circle of 45 girls that our director told us that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Centers.  Immediately everyone gasped in horror, not wanting it to be true and there were comments like, "Who would do this?" and "How can someone be this sick?"  Everything after that was crazy, and we all ran into the locker room to change.  Instead of our usual punk rock music blaring on our favorite radio station, we listened in silence to the DJ explaining what had happened.  During 3rd period, my English teacher had the t.v. going and we watched the towers fall on a staticky t.v.  I remember calling my mom during this class, even though we're not allowed to use our cell phones, just to make sure she was okay.  In fourth period, my History class, I picked up a packet on Mwambutsa IV of Africa as I walked in the door.  My teacher was not as perky as he usually was and he also had his t.v. going, even though the school board had asked all schools to turn off all t.v.'s and radios.  Throughout the day, it was all people could talk about.  My friends even joked about theories of who might have done it.  It never really hit us that people were suffering and losing loved ones.  Finally, in seventh period, my Chemistry teacher told us an escape plan, just in case something was to happen.  We were all to go down the the "G-wing" underground and we had to stay with her, no matter what because she was responsible for us.  Hearing this was a total wake-up call...that what had happened over 8 hours ago was affecting all of us on the opposite side of the country.  I was now afraid to go home because it would mean going home to an empty house, without anyone to help me in case something did happen (I live with my mom who works late nights).  I started thinking about this book I read in the 7th grade, about a guy and his girlfriend and how they tried to escape the effects of an atomic bomb, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember a single thing they did to save themselves.  I called my best friend who lives in Dallas to see how she was coping.  What she told me was probably the most frightening thing I had ever heard.  Her dad had just flown to New York the night before and they couldn't get a hold of him and her sister went to college near the Pentagon.  I didn't know what to say or what to do to help her through.  All I could say was "I'm sorry."  I'm not a very spiritual person so I couldn't offer any encouraging verses or pray for her because I just didn't know how.  My memory of last year stops there.
   Today, one year from that horrible day, I went to my drill team's version of a Bible study (called Encouragers).  We spent most of our 30 minutes talking and reflecting about what had happened and how we were coping.  We talked about how some things happen for a reason, but no one could see what the God's purpose for this was.  But I saw one: September 11th helped me to become a more spiritual person and it made me realize how precious life really is. 
   
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              <text>I woke up that morning like any other when I was in college: tired.  But that morning was different.  My friend called me on the phone and said, "Turn on the news, something happened to the World Trade Center."  So I flipped it on, casually, and I saw something to the effect of, what the news anchors were describing as, as small jet hit one of the towers.  My first thought was "Wow, what a terrible accident."  I didn't give it an overwhelming amount of thought, however, as I got ready for my class at 9:40 am.  I didn't even hear until I got to class that the second tower had gotten hit and that the second tower was gone.  The professor didn't make much notice of it because I suspect he didn't really see the news reports until after class.  After that it was pandemonium - people saying that the towers were gone, both of them - how could that be possible?  Saying that the Pentagon had been attacked?  News reports of missing jets?  Immediatly upon hearing that both towers were hit I knew we were at war.  I rushed to find my mother, who happened to be working at the university I was attending.  We frantically tried to call my grandparents, both federal government employees, after hearing some reports of a car bomb outside the state department (which later turned out to be false).  Thankfully we got in touch with them and they were ok, but campus was a mess.  People crying, glued to the TVs, trying to call loved ones and not being able to get through.  At my school, there were a lot of people from the New York City area, and they were hit hard.  My friend's sister was in the south tower and evacuated before it got hit, thank God.  It was just about the most terrible day I can remember.
I think we should all contribute where we were that day, what we were doing, so that we all remember what it was like on that most horrible of days.  I wrote a poem for the third anniversary of 9/11, to hopefully in some small way try to honor those people who answered the call and rushed into the building, and anyone who stayed and helped out the injured and sick.  Those are the true heroes of 9/11.  We owe it to them to remember.

As the earth spins round and round the sun
Babies are born and daily errands done.
We gather here and now to mark the time
When buildings burned, into them heroes climbed.
Their resting place, this hallowed ground
Became that day a burial mound.
Do you recall where you were that day?
They do, and here upon this ground we say:
Remember.</text>
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